Depression...what fun!

I'm so used to my depression that sometimes I can't tell if my feelings are my "normal" depression or situational depression. Sometimes it might be a combination of the two. Right now I think it's situational. In 12 days it will be the first anniversary of something I wished hadn't happened. If I had never gone through it I would have been able to survive. It wasn't anything that happens to everyone.

I sometimes wish I had situational depression only. That way I could have known more happiness growing up. I'm not saying I had a horrible childhood, just that I felt a lot of depression growing up.

Years ago, when I was a child, the "experts" didn't believe that children could have mental illnesses. They now know that it is possible. Because mental illness is a disease of the brain anyone can get it. Saying that one "type" of person can't get it is like saying that kids can't get cancer, or HIV. It's ridiculous.

I think everyone needs to be educated on mental illnesses and not look at those who have one like they were bad growing up, lazy, or just wanting attention. If you have ever known someone who took their own life or even attempted to you would have to know they didn't do it because they are lazy or were "bad". They do it to try to get away from the pain they are experiencing in their lives. They are not in their right mind when they try to kill themselves. They don't know how to cope with the constant pain they are experiencing.

I hope that anyone who is feeling that way would tell someone and get help. It's a horrible thing to have to live through a friend or family member's suicide.

Something near and dear to my heart.....

I've thought long and hard about my decision to write about my experiences with mental illness. I'm speaking from the viewpoint of someone with has a sibling, a spouse, and myself with mental illnesses. I am not trying to say that I am an authority on mental illnesses, just a soldier in the war.

I've dealt with chronic depression for my entire life. I don't remember a time that depression wasn't in my life. I once told an aunt, when I was four years old, that I wished I was dead. I attempted many times to take my life and the last time I tried was the day that I stopped going to school. I ended up with my GED (passed on the first try!)

I remember crying for no apparent reason and when my mom would ask why I would tell her that I missed my grandpa, who had died when I was 7. It was within the last few years that I realized that I wasn't crying for that reason, but just because of my depression. I was kind of a crybaby when I was in elementary school. I cried over EVERYTHING!

I really hadn't dealt with other people's mental illnesses very much. At least not until I was in my 20's and my younger sister started rebelling and changed her entire personality practically overnight.

Then I met my husband and learned about his mental illness and then I had to deal with mental illness in my boyfriend/fiance and then husband. Each time it's been a different experience and I learn new things every day.

There have been times that I feel like I can't handle any more of it, but somehow I deal and go on.