Hard week........

Last night's Family to Family class was awesome. We had a consumer (a person with a mental illness) who talked about her life story. It was awesome. She was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia a few years ago and is currently stabilized on medications.
I cannot wait for the day that my husband is more stabilized on his meds. He's doing really good right now, but he still has a few small anxieties that no one other than myself would notice.
My depression has been hitting me really hard this week. One year ago on March 10th I suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks. It still hurts right now, even though it's been over a year. I can vividly remember being in the ER and bleeding very heavily. I ended up having a D&C since my body continued to bleed. Part of me wishes that I could have known if it was a boy or girl but the other part of me is glad that I never bonded with a moving baby since it would have been a million times harder to handle. It hurt for a long time to see a pregnant woman or newborn babies.
My husband and I are hoping on having a baby sometime soon. Since both of us have mental illnesses we know that any children we have has an elevated risk of developing a mental illness. Since we know about this possibility we realize that we will have to watch our child(ren) closely to make sure they get help as soon as possible.
Mental illnesses are not fun to live with. I'm "lucky" that "all" I have to deal with is "regular" depression and not something more serious, such as Schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or even bipolar. I personally know people with those diagnoses and many of them you would never know they had the illness. It's kind of like....you can't tell someone who has type 1 diabetes just by looking at them...for some people you would never know they had a mental illness.